Dateline: Sat 18 Sep 2010

"Intimacy" was the byword of the 1980s and 1990s; everyone wanted intimacy with his/her partner. The word was taken to mean emotional closeness and much, much more. Hence "soulmate" etc.

So sorry to be so perverse so early in the day, but this quote strikes me as inherently true -- not as a criticism of relationships per se, but instead as proof that privacy can in fact define relationships as well, and does.

"It is this that makes life the queer, solitary thing that it is. You may live with another for years and years in a condition of the closest daily intimacy and never know what, at the bottom of the heart, goes on in your companion. Not really."
--Ford Madox Ford, Joseph Conrad: A Personal Remembrance


Ratty posted this on her blog


Tom Greenacres [unverified] said:

"Men marry women, hoping they will never change. Women marry men, expecting to change them. Both will be disappointed."

Knowing that "less is more," it has always seemed to me that the notion of privacy is beyond value.

Better to keep your mouth closed aand be thought a fool, than open it and prove the case, said Mr Twain. Would that our current politicians and aspirants followed this advice.

Social media is doing its best to eradicate all shadows and corners of every person's life, thanks to the unfortunately human desire to share every daily detail, every trivial thought, with "friends." Twitter and Banalbook and tv news and reality shows have reduced the human experience to a cheap sideshow. Privacy has become an archaic notion. People think the more you know about them, the more they will be liked, or admired, or both. It ain't necessarily so, if there's no meat to the burger.

2010-09-18 06:42:15

Whitebeard [unverified] said:

My thought is that this is not a "one-size-fits-all" issue.

My wife and I have been talking to one another about everything and anything for 32 years and it has worked out very well for us. We're still happily married despite the fact that I have become a semi-invalid which requires heroic efforts on her part daily to help keep me semi-functional.

Neither of us would be happy married to another person who was private and reserved.

But that's just our psychological/emotional/spiritual wiring.

I know of many couples who have had very successful marriages and are quite comfortable with privacy and distance.

Here is a very arguable question: I wonder if people who tend to be more left-brain (analytically) oriented would be more interested in privacy and distance in a relationship?

Thomas Merton told his friends that he had to write almost compulsively to remain sane. My wife and I have to talk to stay as connected as we need to be to one another.

A very interesting topic for thought and discussion, Ruth. One that I think would be beneficial for couples to discusss together.

2010-09-18 13:18:22

lahm insurance [unverified] said:

I'm glad you said that!?!

2010-09-22 20:37:16

deposing insurance adjuster [unverified] said:

Could be the BEST topic I have read this week.

2010-09-24 07:32:53

dweller insurance [unverified] said:

Great post, I've been waiting for that?


2010-09-25 02:02:48

globe insurance [unverified] said:

Hey Roderick, cool story bro :D

2010-09-25 20:15:39

hallberg express insurance [unverified] said:

I'm glad you said that.


2010-09-26 16:04:52

event liability insurance [unverified] said:

Great writing! You should definitely follow up on this topic?!

-Fondest regards,

2010-09-27 13:38:05

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