Law and order, grandma style

Dateline: Wed 11 Nov 2009

This is the no-doubt apocryphal story of a Mississippi grandma who told it like it was in a court of law.

Grandma goes to court


Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.


In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'


She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'


The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'


She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'


The defense attorney nearly died.


The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

(Note to readers: this story was emailed to me by Ghiotion, who found it on the site, a must-read. It's all over the internet, repeated on blogs that deal with politics, office humor, crime, etc. As a yarn, it dates back to at least 2008. Nothing showed up on Snopes re: it. But it's a good laugh, and sometimes, that's what this old world needs.... and I just hope it's based on a true story, because, while most of us no longer believe in Santy Claus, we do believe in people like Grandma!)


hendy [Member] said:

Imagine what the bailiff was thinking...

2009-11-11 16:13:51

Tell The Truth [Member] said:

The African American community has canonized their version of this woman" Madea. Tyler Perry's drag character is a common-sense older woman, who dispenses urban logic with a solid gut laugh and just enough language miscues to keep you paying attention, ala Archie Bunker.

Archie: "Ya got yer terlet on the second floor, running like a banshi."

Madea: "Good morting." "Hell-errrrr."

If you haven't seen "Diary of a Mad Black Housewife" you haven't lived. Or any of the sequels. At a niece's wedding where a snooty A-A hostess is shuttling folks in and out of a lobby, Madea feels shoved aside, and proclaims:

"They don't know me. I'm a Baptist. I shot Tupac. Didn't kill him tho. We were fighting over a parking space."

2009-11-12 04:54:28

Chris Mann [unverified] said:

Ruth, great post, thank you. First time for my reading. The day has begun with a great laugh, thank you.

2009-11-12 08:26:53

guy77money [unverified] said:

Great Post! I needed a good laugh this morning!

2009-11-13 08:50:37

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